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Jugaad

In Dil Se on February 26, 2011 at 12:12 am

Jugaad is a magical word. Just like in fairy tails calling “aabra ka dabra” can bring out anything out of thin air, Jugaad can get anything done in real word. It is like the ultimate solution to every problem, last resort to every journey, only way out from point of no return. In fact it is the greatest skill god has given to mankind to survive in the race of evolution. Jugaad has great powers. If someone just assures you that he has some jugaad to help you out, you are most confident that your work will certainly be done. Jugaad is god’s helping hand on earth.

Jugaad literally means  “an arrangement or a work around, which has to be used because of lack of resources”. It is the product of highest level of creativity and imagination to utilize the limited and cheap resources to give out the desired result. It has even found a place in unofficial management dictionary for its widespread reach and effectiveness. Moreover since it is practically so spontaneous & genuine that there is no any danger of copyright crime or intellectual property theft. Doing a Jugaad is legally accepted since most of the times it is used to find out way around the legal obligations. Jugaad can be used to repair something, buy or sell or just create what you want with what you have. Jugaad satisfies all, no harm to any one cause everyone knows and respects Jugaad. Jugaad has such a great public recognition.

When I was in engineering college my professor used to give us practical assignments. The assignment used to be to develop or test something theoretically and then do it practically using the given resources. In theory, as engineering practices, we used to come up with impractical solutions. For example calculations of weights up to mg accuracy, dimensions with micrometeoritic tolerance and  all. But practically these precisions were impossible to achieve with government college lab apparatuses. Clumsy weights and worn out scales used to create a big question in front of us to prove our theory practically. Bright brains of the class used to fail over this challenge. But our professor had only one solution to each question. “Do some Jugaad! I just want this damn thing to move, I don’t care how you do, But just Do!”

Then we used to work around, wrecking all the theories asunder, managing our solutions to change as per the given resources, deleting this, adding that, doing everything possible, thinking again and again we used to find a perfect Jugaad which had the capability to meet our professors acceptations. And just to increase the competitiveness he used to make groups and the group with best Jugaad used to win the highest rewards.

Jugaad is my most valuable learning from college. It was used not only in practical lab or examination hall but also more prominently in relationships. In fact Jugaad was another name for one’s girl/boy friend. If a boy is Jugaadu then he certainly has a lot many girls around him. If you look closely you can actually understand why a relationship is more or less like a Jugaad. Just like in Jugaad you have to work around in a relationship with available resources. Most of the times these worked out ways are illogical and practically impossible. Still just like Jugaad relationship work out in spite of everyone’s lack of confidence in it. And just like Jugaad they triumph and inspires in the tales of following generations.

So this dexterous Jugaad has many advantages. But to do a Jugaad is not a child’s play. Jugaad needs imagination, High level of creativity, a skill of thinking out of the box. Jugaad can not be learnt it should come from within. You can always learn how a Jugaad is done, but you can never understand how some one has invented it. In fact every scientific invention or innovation is nothing but a Jugaad. The first man who was too weak to push a flat rock on the ground did a Jugaad to come up with the wheel. Claw less man came up with Jugaad of stones to start the stone age. As the needs increased he developed the Jugaad of metals, machines, computers, laptops, microchips, mobile phones and lot many to come. Anthropologically speaking the only reason behind Man’s intelligent evolution is his ability to use the things around him to do the desired work (that is why chimps are close to Man ).In other words our whole success of evolutionary  excellency is nothing but Jugaad. A Jugaad which has continued for years and will continue till the last Man is alive.

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Become a better liar

In Dil Se on February 10, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Lying is the most difficult thing. An underrated art which is not well acclaimed by society. Even though at some point of time everyone lies, but hearing someone justifying it makes us go on back foot. We don’t trust the liar even if he is telling a truth. Rather we cannot differentiate when the liar is lying or telling plain truth. A lying artist is the one who can make a rapport among people about his trustworthiness. People know he is indeed lying, but his words should make them believe in him. He is like a magician who by trick of his act makes people believe the unimaginable.

Lying needs to be refined. A crude lie is an easy catch. TAO’s Art of war says that to win a battle you should know your enemy. Lying is like a battle. A battle against the truth. This battle is difficult since truth obviously has better chances of winning. This means you should know exact truth about things which you are going to lie about. Making things up won’t help if you want to pour a lie down your victim’s throat. Know the truth, decorate it with attractive words, make it farji and then present it to your client. Now even if there is any truth peeping out of the attractive lie, he will just ignore it. Because no one wants a bitter truth but a sweetened lie.

George Costanza once said, a lie is not a lie unless you stop believing it. To be a better liar, first you should believe in it. Believe in the lie, think around it. Make up details, Gather evidences, close all the loop holes and then present it with confidence. For example if you want to lie about your previous day’s sick leave in office, don’t go with a smile on other day. Rather don’t bath, don’t make your hair, be as filthy and sick as you can. Take some old medicine wrappers with you, keep them next to your monitor or keyboard. If someone passes by your cubcle cough or sneeze or just give out a loud sigh. You should be so lousy in your actions that everyone should feel like you needed rest but for sake of work you came to office. Then after lunch hour go to boss with some work, take a tissue with you. Discuss work with boss, and when he is saying something blow your nose into tissue paper. Irritate him with this. After some time he will finally ask you about your health. Now tell him that you didn’t come yesterday because of headache, body pain etc. (for symptoms of general sickness refer Wikipedia). He will ask you “how are you feeling today?” You tell “A bit better than yesterday, but badly need a rest”. Whack!!! Boss will let you go early from the office. It’s just matter of your acting skills if you fetch one or two days more of paid sick leaves with a lie. Go home and enjoy!

Once a lie is deployed, stick to it! Never go back to truth. If the truth is very heavy to bear, then just twist it so it suits you. Accepting a lie is not an option. Say I was not aware of it or someone else tricked you into it. But keep your wicket guarded. Join the truth if needed, take a diplomatic stand, Hide the lie but never accept it. If you are a girl then it can just be avoided with a cute smile. If you are a boy you already have a brain to get out of it! Just be sure that it won’t back fire you!

Being a good liar has great potential. The best thing is it increases your creativity, your analytical skills. You can create a lie, decorate, build things around it everything with a great creativity. There is no limit for a lie. Only truth has got physical limitations. What may go wrong analysis is must for lying, if you can’t think of trapdoors to get out of lie you may get into big trouble. Think twice before you say, but Think twenty times before you lie. The efforts of lying will pay off sooner or later. Just believe in it and the Lie will do its work.
Summing up I would like to give you inspirational examples of great liars. Narad Muni was a liar, his lies were famous in 3 worlds but everyone still believed him. Yudhishthir, Bhagwan Krishna everyone lied for the sake of betterment. Bill Clinton, George W Bush, Narenrdra Modi, Shashi Tharoor all great politicians have lied.

Dhirubhai Ambani, A Raja, Ambani brother, Mark Zuckerberg all great businessmen are proved liars. Lying was never a problem for them, they just did it with full confidence and belief that it appeared as truth to everyone else. What went wrong was that they got caught and that what important is!!

Be a liar, just don’t get caught!!

Alone in the corner

In Dil Se on February 8, 2011 at 7:00 pm

“Go to the corner at ONCE!”

She yelled at me! Mother yelled at me! My eyes filled with tears. Heart filled with sorrow. I looked at the stool in corner. I don’t want to go there. I can’t see anything from there. Only walls. I am afraid of being left there all alone. I looked at mother with my sad eyes. But she was very angry. She just extended her finger towards the stool. I had to go there.

That walk towards the corner was dreadful. I remembered all my wrong doings with my every step. I had broken my toy car which dad had brought for my 4th birthday yesterday. It was not my fault at all. I was playing it with Tommy my dog. We were chasing the car. That car had most dangerous criminal of the City. Mr Bad guy. And i was the savior Mr. Hero. I was riding on my most cruel but fiercely fast vehicle. My ride Tommy the quick bolt. We were chasing the car on the highway, through the doorway. In the backyard. Mr. Bad guy was driving it through the Rough terrain. It was very difficult for Tommy to keep up with his pace. But Tommy was not going to let him go easily. Tommy was deadly fear in Bad guy’s heart.

All of a sudden Bad guy decided to fight back. He stopped. He stopped his car and turned around. The road ahead was blocked. There was no way for him to go except to deadly fangs of Tommy. Tommy Never wants to kill anyone. Mr Bad guy took out his deadly weapon. The death ray gun. Tommy and I were shocked. It was if we die or we save the city. We decided to get rid of Mr. Bad guy at once. We jumped on his car. Mr. Bad guy was firing death rays on us. We were dodging, running, hiding from them. Whenever we got any chance we would crash on the car, try to break Mr. Bad guy’s weapon & his only way to escape, his car. The battle was fierce, it was clash of the millennium. But in the last the good guys won. We had conquered Mr. Bad guy. He had no way to go. A wheel of his car was out. And his death ray had fallen into the bucket in the bathroom. We had won. Tommy and I had saved the city once again.

Oh… ! Now i have reached the corner. I can’t sit here. I hate being lonely here. I can’t see what mother is doing from here. All i can listen to is her presence. I look back at her standing with arms on her waist. I look down. Step on the tiny step on stool. Pushing myself up with my elbow i climb on the stool. I sit there with my arms folded, finger on mouth & legs tangling down. Being alone sitting on this stool is the greatest punishment a man can get. i start sobbing. Counting and chanting god’s name with every passing second…..

“Ohkay Honey Come here to Mommy!!!”

She called. At last my punishment was over. Oh my god those were the most horrible 2 minutes of my life. I looked back at her. She was sitting down on her knees with arms open for a hug. I looked at her standing on stool at once. I smiled with the joyful heart, and cheerful eyes. I jumped down all the way down from 1.5 ft high stool. I went running into her.

” I Promise I’ll never do it again Mommy, I Promise!! Just don’t leave me alone there! Please Mommy.. Please Please!!!!”

She said pulling me close to her heart, “Never my Boy, I’ll Never leave you Alone!!”

Beautiful Lovers

In Dil Se on February 7, 2011 at 7:00 pm

As always she was lonely that day. Standing on a secluded stone. Storm was on his way to the shore but she was not worried by him. In fact she was waiting for him to come, to greet her with his masculine arms, to engulf her with power of his mighty wind. The sea was afraid. He was trying to climb up the stone to hide behind her feet. He was roaring, crying for help. Splashing his water as high as mountain to catch her attention. But she just ignored him, like a mother ignoring a spoiled crying kid. Darkness was around them. Sun slept behind the curtain of clouds. May be he too had no guts to face the storm. Sea grew restless, he was afraid of the darkness and the storm. He just wished he could get to her, and safely hide behind her.

Her mind was calm. She was serene like a saint. She was Enjoying the wind flowing through her wide spread slender arms. Grass waving beneath her feet was cheering her up. She had waited for a year to meet his vehement love. She knew his love will be strong. She knew his fiery strength. And that was just what she wanted so strong. She was thirsty like a parched land; she wanted to be drenched in the shower of his passionate love, to be full once again to bear his fruits on her.

He still had a long way to cross before he could meet her. She could see his tall figure striding over the surface of sea. The clouds formed aura around him. It made him look more desirable. Like a king of the land his head was crowned with shimmering lightning. Now and then he would strike the sea with his sword. Whole universe would quiver hearing to his thunderous stroke. She was delighted to see him once again.

At last he came. The year full of wait and separation was over. He was passionate as ever. She was delighted as always. The whole world saw their passionate love. Her slender figure bending, twisting and twitching by his might. Her challenging grace inviting him again and again. He would kiss her, embrace her, move her from side to side. She too was enjoying it, Her thirst for him was quenched, her bare body was now ready to bear new color of life. She had met him at last. He had drenched her with his love once again.

The storm abated. He was calm now. The universe who witnessed the clash of lovers was silent. The lonely tree on stone was standing tall once again. Her slender branches were sprouting new leaves. The ground beneath her feet was growing green with new saplings. The beautiful nature was cheerful again. Cause she had met her lover, The Monsoon!

Meetings

In Dil Se on February 6, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Meetings haunt me! Since the time i came into this corporate world I had meetings. Meetings with HR, Meetings with department  head, meeting with team managers, meeting with team lead, meeting with colleagues. By the time my first day ended i had seen all board rooms but not my cubicle. And since then i just have meetings but i couldn’t understand point of going to these meetings. People just come in to the rooms, some stats geeks fool them with bar charts and pie diagrams, some yawn, some tweet, some just complete their last night’s half dreams. No one is interested what the other guy is saying, it’s all gonna land up in their mailboxes just after this torture. But still they call meetings, and waste some official time.

They say if you are bored in office having nothing to do call some people in a room and have a meeting. If you are a manager or a team lead it’s your birth right to call and ask people some awkward questions. Review meetings are the most fruitless of all. These have no agenda, no purpose, no outcomes nothing. Just people come there like a frightened sheep, boss ask them what they were doing, people lie and boss lets them off. I wish someone should just say the truth “i was attending your meeting, I could just do nothing”. I wanna see boss’s face on this.

The funniest things happen in the teleconferences. Specially with an off shore party. If it has a time difference of around 12 hrs they are worse. First of all we have to match our clocks. Then there is hopeless day light saving. I just don’t understand these Americans. They live in air conditioned apartments, offices; Use all the electricity for heating and lighting; still they want to save the day light! What ever! These changes in time zones cause a lot of problem. And then there ought to have a bragger who has just returned from the on site duty will expose his half knowledge of american systems in their lent accent.

So we call the other party, either these are in early morning hours or late nights, Whenever you plan either of the two parties will be sleepy like hell. If it’s a video conference then you can actually see people in back seats dozing off. I spot them and call their names out loud just to see their reactions. Out of 1 hr planned meeting most of it goes into understanding what the other guy is saying. SI-British units, Queen’s and American English all are just great chemistry for confusion. I prefer to go to these meetings cause out of 1 hr of alloted time we only have 10 mins of fruitful discussion. Baki sab Bhak chodi!!!

I feel there should be mannerism classes for meetings too. You need to be crazy to play your Sheila ki Jawani ring tone in front of VP. But you just can’t keep your phone silent. And if it’s more important to call and tell your wife that you wont be getting the Sabji from bajar than 2000 cr Rs business deal. Then dude why are you here? Go and buy the vegetables. Akhir Papi pet ka sawal hai!!!

Beherhal, My time is running out and i need to catch a meeting with my ex GF’s dad, To discuss some drinking plan I need to get off. But before that to all you Jaspal Bhatti fan i want to remind one of episodes of Flop Show in which they have a sarkari meeting just to discuss and fix the date of next meeting 😛

I Think i’m in Love

In Her Story on February 5, 2011 at 7:00 pm

My Dear Diary,

You know this cute guy i told ya about, from my office! he is such a stupid guy you know! Total idiot. Today also i tried to talk to him, but don’t know why he just shy away from me! I just don’t like his attitude, But his idiotic reactions make me real crazy about him. I just wish to be with him, don’t know when this will happen 😦

Today also he was in my bus, there was a seat vacant besides me but he just goes in the back seat and goes to sleep at once. I tried to shift in my place just to suggest him “Hey mister, There’s a Seat HERE!”. But no he just likes his window seat and his sleep that’s it. No girls in his life i swear !

Ok, Let’s give him some chance, So i waited till he came to the swipe in queue but then again he takes Stairs to come up, then fumbles with his Bag to take out the card, Then stands there with all his geeky stuff out into open and bewilderment on face! I just laughed my heart out 😛 It was so funny you know! All other my girl friends think he is a flounder, bumping here and falling there, Spilling all his food on shirt, All clumsy Dumsy dusshiiiee he is! He is Jusht Shoo Shweet ya know!! I Love him!!

So i just waited to see his confusion and also till my smile was a bit abated, I walked near him, My heart was ponding in my chest, hair coming on eyes i was so nervous even to go near him; I know my other girl friends say he is an easy catch but i was so nervous, Somehow under my breath i said “good morning” to him! And hurriedly walked past him! I just couldn’t wait for his reply, but i hear None!

Oh Dear Diary! Will he ever notice me 😦

He just didn’t answer Me 😦 my heart was so upset! How can i tell him how much he is cute! I am just not understanding this! Please help me!

You know after that also i just waited out of queue to get a chance to say him ‘Hi’ But then suddenly this Rahul (who BTW know my crush on him) Dashed him from behind and waved me while making face’ Sala Idiot #@$% ! I also replied him, Made face, mockingly waved him! But by the time i look at my cutie pie again he was walking past me! Looking down at floor counting cracks on marble! He just walked! I was just shocked, i just couldn’t say anything I remained there Standing!

Whatever diary I think He just doesn’t want me! There must be someone else in his mind! In his Heart! No place for a girl like ME maybe! I must not think about him now! Let’s get back to work! WHERE is that stupid Time Sheet???

Good Marning Fellas!!

In His Story on February 4, 2011 at 7:00 pm

I enter my office. Sleepy with 45 mins bus ride, takes stair to climb up 4 floors. The breath is heavy, mind is confused. I fumble with my bag to search for the swipe card. The card comes out with all junk from the bag, mobile charger, head phones, data cord all entangled with swipe card strip. I somehow manage to take the card out, people in the queue of swiping start yelling at me to do it fast. They go past me to swipe it in time, my juggling with all the stuff intensifies. I feel like a retarded child.

And then suddenly when I have all contents of my bag out of it entangled like small intestine she comes, shimmering with most pleasant smile ever. The world suddenly starts moving in slow motion. Yelling people in queue fade out in blurriness. Ticking clock of swipe machines waits a moment more to tick out next second. Looking down with shying eyes she tucks her hair behind her ear. And smiling through corner of her lips she walks past me. I hear a faint “Good Morning” amongst the commotion flying into my ear. I am transfixed.

That greeting transforms me. The retarded child standing with his broken toy suddenly transforms in to a devil with opened up intestine of a dead man in hand. Chest swells, biceps bulge out, tummy goes in and shoulders spread wide. With the gesture of owner of the company I swipe in on the machine. It approves with a long beep. I turn around with bag on shoulder and pride in heart to greet her back and walk down with her through the corridor to cubicle.

And there she is, standing a bit away from queue, elegantly balancing her purse on shoulder, waves at me. I am on heaven.  I lift my hand to wave her back but just then a giant arrogant bull dodges me from behind. I look at him with as much rage I can summon in my eyes. But he just walks by unheeded by my malicious look. I am angry on him. He continues to walk down straight towards her.

She smiles at him. Fanatically Waves her hand to catch his attention. I feel like left alone in the world. I feel like everyone around me has seen my idiotic assumption of her waving at me. Giving me some recognition. Greeting me, smiling at me. I feel ashamed. I return back to my being a bullied donkey.  Shoulders down, eyes scanning the cracked tiles. I continue my walk through the corridor towards the cubicle. I am too embarrassed to look up.

I walk to my cubicle sits down on chair, turns on the PC and pushing aside Image of her smile I start checking out my Time sheet!

Namaste!

In Introduction, Welcome on February 3, 2011 at 8:37 am

Welcome to my first blog people!

I think the first blog should tell something about me. I know none of the readers of this article (except me ) are eager to know who I am or how I am or any personal details like that. But as a human tendency I’ll just spill it out in front of you.

But before that I must ask you a Question!

Have you ever felt that you have an alter ego? A person inside you whom you are ashamed of? A part of mind that is so medieval that it can not be opened up in 21st century civilization?

My answer to this was a shy Yes! Out of this world of 0s and 1s I am a different person. My opinion counts there. My relatives, younger brothers, sisters look at me with an eye of admiration. They expect me to be more conservative, Good boy kind of. Where as my friends from college, close buddies those who kinda spoiled me know a different side of me.

I know this Tug of war between alter egos is not new to Our generation. A generation which has ethics of old days to follow and trends of new era to live with. And that is why I gave birth to Farjiaadmi. Farjiaadmi is a counterfeiter. A person who can give you anything anytime but with no guarantee of it’s authenticity. The validity of his statements can be true but should not be questioned. He will ask for o credit, or no recognition but at the cost of no responsibility. He is just Farji!

Now when i have just wrecked your confidence in me i’ll tell you theme of this writing endeavor!

I am a 25 years old (which is India’s demographic age) Indian Engineer. I live in a metro, Serve a MNC, Do some critical stuff which benefits owner of my company and India and this Universe (According to our HR). I am single with no commitments. And as I am like most of other Indians; I wanna be their(our) voice.

The voice will cry out loud some of our regular issues like……

Daily frustration from office/ Goverment policies/ Retarded TV shows/ People behaviors/ Intelligent Conversations/ Findings/ Short Abstract Stories/ reviews/ Photos that my alter Ego will click. Everything and much more will be put in here for Your and mine and entire virtual world’s benefit.

So all in all Farjiaadmi is not a real person but has issues of some real world. And with this food for thought I conclude my prologue and an Honest introduction to FarjiAadmi 🙂

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