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Posts Tagged ‘Sex’

Another rainy day!

In His Story, Story on September 3, 2011 at 11:47 am

A Rainy Day

I woke up today hearing tender trickle on the window shade!! AGAIN!!!

The sky was dark, darker than when it was during dementors attack in Harry Potter 7. Little drizzle with small droplets of water was coming in from the window onto my face, I was feeling like little kid peeing and splashing his own urine on his pants. The cold intoxicating breeze like a breath of a deadly snake was foul by gutter odor. Gloomy weather, half wet cloths and stinky air were ideal condition to sleep off the idle day and skip work just as Sun did today. But my stomach grumbled and twitched, un-brushed teeth and gas in my stomach made me get up and perform my daily rituals. I had to leave this filthy bliss of bed and rotting warmth of moss infested rug to get going.

Water was already nauseating me, mere mention of it was good enough for me to dry puke and avoid any water contact what so ever. But you know, “Water is Life” and all, I had to use it, to brush, to clean my filth, to wash myself after that. I thought of skipping the bath for a day but if i do that today it would be a week without shower, so I strike out that thought for the sake of hygiene, I dry washed myself with wet tissues and put on a lot of deodorant. I was acting like a deodorant to the deodorant. We successfully cancelled out each others odor. So I put perfume. Nice provogue shirt and comfortable pepe jeans were waiting for me where I dropped them last night. Right at the spot near my spanky clean lee cooper shoes. Rainy season is good for leather shoes, no dirt no whitening of black shoes, whatever little mud that gets on them can easily be scratched out with a pen or nail for that matter, they get spanky clean with a small dip in stagnant pothole water bodies. I found two dried up mismatching (matching is for blouses) socks lying in corner of my shoe rack under old newspapers.I got ready, did my hair in the rayban sunglasses and i’m off to work.

I don’t carry umbrella, Umbrella is for uncles. I buy newspaper. When it’s raining it covers my head and when it’s not raining I can ogle at pictures in Bombay Times. And if a nice girl seats next to me in bus I can always pretend to be reading Economic times and impress her. It’s much much better than Umbrella. I went out, drizzle was still on, Two dogs were making love with each other in this romantic weather, A human couple walked past them in the gutter waters. Holding hands, laughing and dirty talking with each other to get in the tempo. I thought they got inspired from the dogs. I washed my shoes in one of the potholes, they look awesome. I polished them with my pants on the calf. Three girls of my company were standing at the bus stop. I smiled, They giggled, I ogled We moved on..

I found my perfect spot in the bus, I can see every girl that boards the bus. Their wet hair, drenched cloths, charming perfume makes my travel entertaining. Some smile at me, some try to flirt, for some I try to flaunt my muscles through my wet shirt. They enjoy. I like rainy season. It makes girls a bit more horny. I ignore most of them.

I don’t care about office. Work is a pastime to get money and buy more cloths. I don’t smoke. So i bought a water bottle. I add some vodka in it and drink off the entire day. I feel fresh when i get out of my cubicle. The rain continued.

I stay late in the office. My boss gets impressed by that, in the night there is none to complain about my bad alcoholic breath so i don’t have to use mouth freshener now and then. No girls around to disturb me while downloading movies and songs. I ask girls to do my work in day, they get it done from their wannabe boyfriends. I don’t sleep with any of them.

I called cab, the driver was dozing so I gave him some of my booze. I drove like Schumacher He slept in the back seat. Rain went on, there was a girl drunk and puked outside my door, I put her on my Neighbor’s doormat, went in, dropped my cloths. Removed my shoes. And went to bed.

Wishing to God there be no rain tomorrow!

Are you Mr. Right?

In Dil Se on April 19, 2011 at 2:17 pm

Are you Mr. Right?

This question is oblivious to you being a woman or a man. Yeah girls, even men ask the same question to themselves everyday. A new breed of metro-sexual men who are insecure about themselves ask this question everyday to the mirror. Am I the Mr. Right? Will I be a choice of any Ms. Right? Is someone searching for me right now? Or will I be one of those unlucky 86 (914 sex ratio in India 😦 ) Do I look good? Do I smell good? Why that other guy is so popular among girls and not me?

If you are a guy reading this perhaps the one who stumbled upon this through Google search then see yourself once again. Do you have a big tummy growing around your west because of inactivity in real world? Or Do you spend 80% of your time searching babes on internet and getting high by dirty chatting with them? Do you have phone pals? You can be extremely funny with an online girl-friend but stammer in front of a female receptionist. If you have even one of these characteristics then perhaps some where deep in your mind you know that you are one of those unlucky 86. You know you are not gonna get the girl you yearn for.

Girls, this breed of digital males is increasing these days. Since the time girls have started choosing their mates, males have become insecure. They think there is no point in fighting among themselves when the most eligible female mate can easily be wooed by a non compatible male. Because of this insecurity these males have started to become obsessed by female ideas of perfect male. That is Mr. Right. Now the question arises how to become Mr. Right?

As we know Woman mind is the most mysterious place in universe. Seeking an answer there is like searching for source of light in black hole. And searching for answer to “Mr. Right” question is beyond scope of male brain. So what do males do? They compare themselves with most successful males. TV/Movie stars, Sport stars etc. They try to become like them. Working out, protein diets, facials, make ups, apparels, accessories have become a part of their obsession. They have started taking care of their complexion, hair, diet, figure, looks. They started waxing, plucking, threading, dying. In the race of becoming the Mr. Right they are actually loosing their Macho image.

But then do all these feminine obsession really succeed? Now this is utmost important question to both the sexes who are reading this. Girls/Boys what do you think about a guy who talks about SPF 40 sunscreen better than Petronas W02 car? or a guy who skips a sports bar hang out for an appointment with hair dresser? Surely you gonna doubt about existence of his testicle sack. But then that’s the reality. There are men getting counseling for  after break up depression. Men who are made polygamous by nature why get devastated after loosing one female mate (in most of cases without mating) ? And do you think these are the Males nature will consider for propagating Human species?

Mr. Right is totally a female concept. To become a Mr. Right is like being born from female “Brain” rather than from her womb. If you think you want to be Mr. Right then be yourself. Be Macho, be testorious not like a sissy. I know girls will agree to me when i say they will choose a guy with testicle sack than a guy with make up kit.

On a closing note i would like to quote a Chinese guy from China Town

“Be a Man, Do the Right thing”

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